Last updated on June 8th, 2025
Sometimes I fall into the trap of trying to make things happen in life. I try to push and pull and focus on achieving specific outcomes. Of course, this ultimately makes for a stressful mind which is dominated by obsessive thinking. The thing is, no matter how much we push or pull, some things in life just don’t bend to our wills, even if we beat them with a hammer (please don’t try this on living things.) Luckily, the solution to this obsessive thinking is a lot simpler than might be initially fathomed.
External things are out of control.
Learning again and again throughout the school of life that all we can control are the things going on between our ears is something that I keep having to study. I feel like in some aspects of life I have this nailed down, while in other situations, I simply lose sight of it.
Most recently, this life lesson arose in my relationship. I guess because I’m so used to attempting to controlling my own mind and life, I sometimes think that I have more influence on my partner than I actually do. In this case, my partner was working to start a new online business, which is very exciting, and I am very proud of her for it. It’s especially exciting to me personally because I have built so many things online and I love the process.
Anyways, when I noticed she wasn’t working as hard somedays as others, in my mind, I quietly questioned why she wouldn’t work harder? First of all, there could have been many reasons for this which I didn’t see, so who was I to judge? Naively, I later vocalized this to her and after saying it, I was able to see it from a birds-eye perspective, remembering this very lesson: no matter how much I want something to happen, I can’t force it to happen. And honestly, I am probably doing more harm than good by bringing it up, particularly if I’m being annoying about it or just too pushy in general.
The Solution to Obsessive Thinking: Wu Wei
Can you guess what the solution of doing too much is? Yes, you got it, chilling the hell out. Realizing that we’re not in control of a lot of aspects of life and embracing that truth. All we are doing when we push and pull things are wear ourselves out mentally. What is the rush anyways? The whole key to enjoying life is being free from excessive thinking by staying in the moment. When you’re truly in the moment, everything is perfect, there is nowhere else to be, and therefore it doesn’t matter how much time something takes.
Once this life lesson clicked again, it seemed too obvious. Why didn’t I think of that before this happened and I stressed myself out? I guess it was my time to learn it again. Oopsies.
This philosophy of letting things work themselves out is known as Wu Wei and is the focal point of Taoism. The basic thought is that things in life will always work themselves out, regardless of our influence or how much we stress about them. Of course, this is true and illustrated to us again and again throughout our lives. When we step back from a situation that we made stressful, and observe without judgement or expectation, we can remove a lot of angst within ourselves.
Conclusion
Life is not a race. Rushing anywhere (unless it’s a life-or-death emergency) is almost never necessary and creates more harm than good. So why are we trying to push and pull life? What we need to do is focus our minds on the concept of Wu Wei, realizing that we aren’t in control of a lot of things. What we are in control of is how we react to external stimuli. We can choose to stay calm, cool, and collected. Isn’t that nicer than being all wound up?
